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Posts Tagged ‘Love

Adopted vs Genetic Children

with 4 comments


Genetic illustration. Pics from here

First, let me clarify my standpoint: At the moment, I don’t want to be classified as a follower to one of the existed religions. I had chatolic background; the fact that will always be true and I should admit that this catholism is one of the most influencing input in my life.  Anyway, I don’t want to make give more clear description of my opinion about religion and related issues in the current post.

However  my standpoint is important otherwise all of my thought, my opinion about this topic has  found its answer.  As far as I know, one of the goal of marriage in the main stream religion (let say Moslem and Christianity) and widely excepted in the society is for the continuity of human’s gen thru the children. 

At the moment I can only say this about life : I continue to survive because I want to respect the life itself for the reason that is not so clear for me. In the time of happiness, I have very high energy in trying to  ‘change’ our imperfect world. In the time full of disappointment, full of desperate, full of tired of survive; I feel simply life is an absurd, full of mystery.  Well, I  also make question about life in the time of hapiness but it is not so intense as in time I am tired of survive. I should admit that I am in the lowest energy condition at the moment so that it give me an additional energy to write down one of my burried questions.

I alwyas has this in my mind: is this really matter if human being stop the evolution or let say doomsday? Regardless the judgment day issue in the religion;  is this really matter? Does safe the gens (more specifically my gens) more important than the fact that so much abandoned children all over the world, amongst the reality that lots of children being traped in the hunger? To be honest, when I think of those unlucky children, I see it is really absurd to have genetic child by my own.

More than 5 years ago, I said this to Rusman, one of my best friend, ” I will be honored to give birth to my genetic children. However, for me having adopted children is also an option. I don’t see my self  of having really superior gens that is really important  for the sake of human’s evolution.” If having children is the question of fullfilment of the needs of loving (as I think so..), can we human being also just give our love to the abandoned children? If having children is the question of loving, can we just express the love by supporting the family who has not enough resources to raise their children? If the evolution of human being is matter; does it really matter which gens should be safed first to be carried over thru generations (so there will be a kind of prefered gens)?  OR..sHould I believe in the opinion one of my colleague during  lunch: “People who don’t have inherit simply fail as human being, even for the couple that for the health reason could not have children.” Regardless the situation that I have no children so far, I am really sure to answer him, ” No, I don’t agree with you.”

I said to one of my friend that I want to have children and that I can be a good mother as well. He said,

” Do you know what do you want to do or do you know where do you want to live? If you can not answer this, then forget about it. You are not ready to have children. You are not going to raise a puppy. We are talking about the children that at some point they will think that they have right to ask something without saying thank you; the children that at some point will make their own decission without even bother to ask your opinion.”

It is a reallly dense conclusion of the meaning of having children. Anyway, I tried to argue with him that nowadays, we can not be really sure of what we can do to get money for survive.  This is the picture of most scientists around me, ” THey don’t have permanent contract for their living. They only have 3 or 5 years working contract, the rest is to be advised later. In this conditions, I think people will think many times before having children because children need to be feed and so on and so on.” This is the biggest ‘commedy’ of capitalism: In one side, capitalism needs certain birth growth rate to secure the supply of labor force but in the same time capitalism doesn’t give any financial security to the people. But hey… does money really important factor before a couple decides to have children or not? This is the statistic released by Spiegel ONline International about Germany, the country which in my opinion gives quite good support to families life by giving ceratin money for parents and children: the germany’s birth rate is the lowest amongst other EU countries. No… at the end, I believe it is not only about money.

One of the most oftenly answered by parents for the questions why they works so hard day and night is they do this for children. At this point, why don’t we be critical, does it really money that children need? To be fair, why don’t we ask children, what they expect from parents? Let’s children talk of their own ….

I want to conclude to this post. I will never refuse to have my genetic children, i think it must be a really wonderfull experience but to have and to be able to love adopted children as my own genetic children is not less wonderfull experience. I think I will be a good mother but the remain issue is that as a single woman I have no brave to have, to raise adopted/genetic child. Case is closed for the moment. Talking about adpotion, it reminds me of my jealousy to my brother when i was small. I asked my mother, “Mother, am I your adopted child? Why do you love my brother more than your love to me? I am the youngest, so you should give me more attention.”  Well…you can not guess how ‘silly’ the children can be… I have no idea how  I could connclude that adopted child will receive less love. It is a bit unfair for the parents who love their adopted child badly.

I dedicated this post to all people (couple/single) who are brave enough to take a risk by having children and especially to my mother who is brave enough to raise all her 4 children by her own, to be a single parent for more than 20 years without any significant words of complaining. Happy b’day Mom! (30th August)


Karlsruhe, 5th September 2009.



Written by darmadewi

September 5, 2009 at 12:55 pm

Posted in life time questions

Tagged with , ,

On Kahlil Gibran’s

with 4 comments

Let’s listen what K.G said. Silent and listen the voice of our heart.




On love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


For me, love is an energy. It doesn’t necessary give me happiness. It is merely an energy that can drive me to get crazy. I felt really full when I am in love. Love is an enthusiasm. i call it also “light in the eyes”

One of my friend said that I am a sadomasochist, enjoying the pain of tlove. I said confidently no.. I am agree with Gibran’s : true love may lead me to the situation of being wounded by my own understanding of love. Thus, the best expression of  love that I ever gave to someone I love was letting him go because being together in this case will betray the meanig and purity of love itself. It was really painful experience.  When love is fought enough, nothing to be sorry even when it doesn’t last forever like in the movie. This love, in my case will last forever even though the expression is transformed by time; i put it in the corner of my heart.


yes… i will never tired to find the light in the eyes. I hope, I will find it soon. 🙂


On Joy and Sorrow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?


I like this poem, full of contradiction.

For me…I choose to have fluctuation emotions rather than just flat emotion. At the end,  both choices may give the same average. But I respect the process, not only the final results.

Giving my soul chances to experience many emotions is important for me. many case it gives me many difficulties that in the moment of solitude, i make question to my self, why don’t I be a ‘normal’ people with normal decision? I need to do this so at the end I can sing “My way” with Frank Sinatra.  



(All poems are taken from )

Karlsruhe, 18 August 2009

Written by darmadewi

August 18, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Posted in Feelings

Tagged with , , ,