LAKI-LAKI dan MATA

Mata hati, kata hati..

 Laki-laki

dengan matanya yang gelisah

menatap lurus pada cahaya lilin dalam pekat malam

bersila menghisap rokok,

coba usir gelisah dan ketidakpastian hidup

suatu hari dimasa mudanya

Laki-laki,

dengan matanya yang menatap penuh misteri

berjalan seolah pasti,

namun ringkih

Laki-laki,

dengan matanya yang setajam mata elang

berdiri di sudut ruang

Diam, tanpa kata.

Menorehkan kesan abadi dalam ingatan.

Laki-laki,

dengan matanya yang merayu

dan rambutnya yang mulai memutih

sungguh memesona, kala bersepeda di pinggir pantai

Laki-laki,

dengan mata yang tersenyum tanpa beban

dibalik kaca mata hitamnya.

Pernah, tunjukkan cemburu dengan tingkahnya yang kekanakan.

Laki-laki,

dengan matanya yang bergerak lincah kala alkohol menemani

ulurkan pertemanan yang tulus.

Laki-laki,

dengan matanya yang menatap dingin

tanpa senyum di bibir

ditemani secangkir kopi dan rokok.

Berdiri di situ,

memaku langkahku.

Laki-laki,

dengan matanya yang telah kehilangan ekspresi

ditelan beratnya beban hidup,

suatu hari dimasa tuanya.

membuatku bertekad, aku ingin menjaga bara dimataku.

Laki-laki,

dengan matanya yag syahdu

dengan tangan memegang gobogan salju

berdiri menunggu tram di pagi yang beku

sungguh, lukiskan pelangi di langit musim dingin yang kelabu.

Laki-laki dan mata. Mata hati. Kata hati. Kata-kata. Candu

karlsruhe, 21 februari 2010.

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(karlsruhe, 16.02.2010)

Our days and MONEY

Today, I go to internet cafe. There is a couple, husband and wife. It seems that they want to make an application letter for job but they are not so skilled with computer. They had the concept of the letter already.  At first, they try to do it by themself. 5 minutes later, they give up and ask me to type the letter. I am really glad to help them until the husband say this sentence to me, ‘Please help us. I will give you 5 €.’

His sentence make me think, is this the condition of the world we live today? Everything is about money? Is this the wolrd that we would like to prepare for the next generation?

I will refuse if someone say that I am over reacting of this thing. Face it! In our capitalism system, the only accepted and honorable value is MONEY. The main heart of capitalism,  competition at the end is about MONEY. That is exactly the reason behind 5€ that the couple offer me for small help. They learnt in their previous experiences that work can only be appreciated by money. 

That is what the economic system expect from us, the workers. Capitalism believes that thru the competition, significant improvement (=benefit) will be achieved as soon as possible. I think it is too naive if we hope that this competition spirit can be localized in  our office only. It will do influence our personal relation with other people in our daily life. I said to Romain, my friend that one of the biggest problem in our society nowadays is people stop to communicate each other. Why? Most people think that they have no enough time or… simply we don’t know how to communicate anymore. We need to make sure that we have job for tomorrow meanwhile the unemployment rate is never been O%. HOW? Be the best! I define “we” as most of the people, including me. Of course, there is always an exception.

The competition can hurt human’s heart much deeper beyond our awareness. Yesterday night, “F” said to “K” more or lest like this(they are both my friends), “Karen, you need to take care of your self. Don’t be so naive, so nice… You see what happened to me, they simply kicked me out. You knew it, right”. Five of us agree with this sentence. And this hurt,  follow our next step. We become less trusting on other people. We feel unsafe out there. Be careful, they can hurt me.

It is true that life is much more colorful and complicated than the above story.  So no… I don’t want to say let’s stop competition and so on and so on….It is a personal choice.  

Let’s just aware to the existence of our feelings: our fears, our happiness, our disappointment, our anger, our sadness, our unhappiness, our loneliness, our boreness.. .. Let’s talk about it and find out if our neighbor, our friend can help us. In the simplest way, just give your best smile to other people.  SOmehow I believe that once we clear of our own feeling, we will more aware not to hurt other people. Fear, is the most dangerous feeling unless we admit it and try to live with it in harmony.

I believe we say the sentence “You are welcome” or “sama-sama” in Indonesian language or “bitte” in German when someone say thank you to us. I said it automatically merely as a part of politness until few months ago when Puthut (my friend) thank me for a present I gave to him. I made quite an effort to find a present for his birthday. As Puthut lives in Jogjakarta, Indonesia, I asked Soraya to carry and give the present to Puthut.  “Luckily”, Soraya went home to Jogjakarta exactly around that day. This is my sms to Puthut , “Puthut, it is not you who should thank to me for the present. It is me who should thank to you because you allow me to give you a present. It makes me feel good.”

And this is my personal meaning of  “bitte” to the couple who said “Danke” for the typing I did: Thank you for letting me help you. Today, I feel my life, my existence is usefull. You are welcome….

Karlsruhe, 15th August 2009