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Cactus personality : a way of survival

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Few years ago, I started giving a very minor …. really minor … attention to plants. I have no patient to take care plants..well…sometimes I have no patients to take care my self either. :p

About three years ago, I helped my uncle to get rid off the  grass and bamboo from his garden. I found out that these plants have amazing personality. If you look at the grass…you will not think that they are indeed one of the plants having amazingly energy to survive.  In contrast with human being who should wear many layers of clothes during winter and almost naked during summer, i find out that grass have more stable behavior: they are still green passing through different seasons. How many times, how many people step on the grasses and they are still there humbly? Amazing, right?

Try to dig the land below the grass and you will be more amazed. A root of grass is tiny, weak, fragile …. but flexible. In my opinion, the survival ability of grasses come from the flexibility of their root to tangle each other. The root of grasses can grow even longer than their leaves and travel inside the soil. If you want to get rid off the grass you should be sure not to leave any trace of root because they still can grow. I respect grass of how they able to survive in silent, with minor caring of human being! Furthermore, don’t forget the importance of grasses in the history of mankind’s evolution. It is used to make papers, to feed animal that we eat (hallo…beef lover, let’s thanks to the grasses) or simply to give us a comfort bed to lay on it in under sunset, hearing the whisper of wind. 🙂 Similar character of root is shown by bamboo. Once you decide to grow bamboo in your back yard, be ready to work hard to get rid off it.

My brain rang out when one day accidentally I paid attention to the cactus of my flat mate.  I don’t like cactus and I don’t understand why some people are crazy about it. I can not see the beauty of the cactus even though when some of them sometimes are in bloom. For me, this plant symbolize arrogant personality.

“You are like a rose. You are beautifull but your thorn seems to me saying that you don’t want me to walk closer to you. You are untouchable.”

That is my favorite quote when I am broken heart. But now..i think i have new symbol to describe the situation when someone wants to send you to the moon : cactus.

Cactus is a member of the plant family Cactaceae, a native to Americas. As they able to live in the extreme environments where water is rare;  their thorns, spines (they are infact  modified leaves)are important to conserve water, to defend themself against the water-seeking animal and to protect themself against the excessive sunlight.

I still believe that human being is created basically as a good person. However, the interaction with other people may leave behind deep and strong memories  that can be either good or bad for the future. The social tension also can influence really hard circumstance to handle.

I have strange idea that history of a nation should be written down more personal. I know that it will not be easy, because the most difficult part is to be honest to our self, destroy the mask that we are used to wear and admit it to the world.  Behind the most objective decisions, behind the man who decides, there is always a personal history that influence the decision. As once Hilary Clinton said during her running to White House, “It (this election) takes me personally“.  Furthermore, what is the reason behind my cold behavior to my parent, to my flatmate, to my colleagues, to the one that I love so much? One of the reason may come from the basic need to survive, to conserve my existence, to protect my self.  A mask. Just like the role of spines of cactus.

Recently I decided to said this to the one I love so much, ” I am sorry, I can no longer express my cares to you. The more I express my cares to you, the deeper my love for you, the more you become my cocaine. I am afraid.” And yeah… I become the cactus itself, in order to protect my self of being addicted of him. I started to grow my thorns in both direction, inside and outside. Hurting my self and him. A very deep breath….


Karlsruhe, 26 September 2009.



Written by darmadewi

September 26, 2009 at 11:06 am

Posted in Feelings

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On Kahlil Gibran’s

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Let’s listen what K.G said. Silent and listen the voice of our heart.




On love

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.


For me, love is an energy. It doesn’t necessary give me happiness. It is merely an energy that can drive me to get crazy. I felt really full when I am in love. Love is an enthusiasm. i call it also “light in the eyes”

One of my friend said that I am a sadomasochist, enjoying the pain of tlove. I said confidently no.. I am agree with Gibran’s : true love may lead me to the situation of being wounded by my own understanding of love. Thus, the best expression of  love that I ever gave to someone I love was letting him go because being together in this case will betray the meanig and purity of love itself. It was really painful experience.  When love is fought enough, nothing to be sorry even when it doesn’t last forever like in the movie. This love, in my case will last forever even though the expression is transformed by time; i put it in the corner of my heart.


yes… i will never tired to find the light in the eyes. I hope, I will find it soon. 🙂


On Joy and Sorrow

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?


I like this poem, full of contradiction.

For me…I choose to have fluctuation emotions rather than just flat emotion. At the end,  both choices may give the same average. But I respect the process, not only the final results.

Giving my soul chances to experience many emotions is important for me. many case it gives me many difficulties that in the moment of solitude, i make question to my self, why don’t I be a ‘normal’ people with normal decision? I need to do this so at the end I can sing “My way” with Frank Sinatra.  



(All poems are taken from )

Karlsruhe, 18 August 2009

Written by darmadewi

August 18, 2009 at 1:02 pm

Posted in Feelings

Tagged with , , ,